The Mama Diaries

This mama is *very* near and dear to my heart. My best friend since we were 12 years old, Lakisha is mother of my three nieces—two-year-old twins and a six month old. To say she has a lot on her plate is an understatement. She’s doing a great job w/ her girls though. Every time I get a chance to visit (which is rare), the girls have me leaving with a smile on my face from their antics!

Ages of children: 2,2 and 6 mo

If more than one child, how do you manage to give each child equal time?

I try to do something special with them one on one.  One of the twins likes to dance, while the other likes to sing. The baby is addicted to nursing, so that’s her special time.

Favorite activity to do with children?

Reading and being silly(i.e, tickling and chasing around the house).

One thing your children have taught you?

Patience!!!! Something always has to wait; there is no perfect plan for anything.

How does religion play a part in your parenting?

We take our religion very seriously. We read bible accounts, and sing together, we teach them the values of love, honesty, and being willing to share their faith. We want them to know about Jesus and how to follow his example. We have been blessed abundantly and we want them to know that putting Jehovah first is the reason. [Ed. Note: Lakisha and her family are Jehovah’s Witnesses]

Favorite cultural/family tradition to share w/ your children?

Family dinner, once a month we have dinner with my family and once a month we do the same on my hubby’s side.

Best motherhood advice you’ve gotten?

Take your time and enjoy each moment because they pass quickly and you will miss it.

Worst motherhood advice you’ve gotten?

Don’t try to breastfeed.

Things you said you’d never do as a mama and now do?

Give in or be the mom who’s in public dealing with the screaming kid….that has now happened, lol.

Things you said you’d do as a mama, but never got around to?

Start their official savings accounts. Piggy banks at home are getting pretty full.

Fears for raising children in this current society?

I fear that they will fall into the mold of a permissive society that rationalizes everything to fit their own circumstances. I just hope they stay on a spiritually stable path and that they can make wise decisions and learn from their mistakes.

What’s the one thing no one ever told you that you wish you’d known prior to becoming a mama?

Sometimes you will miss the freedom that you had before children and that’s ok. It doesn’t mean you love them any less.

Are you the disciplinarian or good cop when trouble arises?

We kinda swap sometimes, but more of the disciplinarian than the good cop.

Do your children have any allergies or food restrictions? How do you deal with that?

Thankfully no, but the baby struggles with bronchitis at times.

Santa Claus: Does he exist for your children or not?

Not! We work hard to give them special things all year long. I’m not wasting time telling them that some stranger comes once a year down a chimney. Not to mention the roots and origins of it all.

If they are of age, do your children have chores? Why or why not?

They put away their toys at this point.

Do you pick up your child every time he/she cries?

Heck no! I have 2 yr old twins that are pretty darn busy so sometimes she has to wait a few minutes while I assess the situation. She is such a mild tempered baby that she doesn’t cry a lot so when she does I’m definitely trying to get to her ASAP to make sure it’s not serious.

How long did it take you to get the baby on a schedule?

About 2-3 weeks

Is your child crawling or walking yet?

No she’s 6 mo. She scoots on her belly though.

What was your child’s first word?

Mama…yay!!!!

Favorite mama moment at this stage?

Oh so many.  She holds my face and gives me kisses…so gross sometimes when she’s teething, but I just love it!!

Approximately how big is the twins’ vocabulary?

Growing every day. 20+ words I would guestimate

Did your child experience the “Terrible Twos” phase?

You mean the terrible 1 1/2’s…..my twins definitely try the tantrums and what not…we are doing a few things to bring those down to a minimum.

What are your children’s favorite toys?

They love foam letters, kitchen and accessories, drums, blocks and Legos, and serving spoons lol [Ed. Note: I can attest to the serving spoons. The girls like to imitate their great-grandma who walks with a cane using the spoons. It’s *pretty* hilarious!!]

How are their interactions with other children?

Pretty good, still learning to share but they love other kids. They want to hug and kiss everybody though.

Favorite mama moment at this stage?

Whenever they learn a new word or how they love to pretend reading the Bible. They are very affectionate and if they think I’m sad they will come over and give me a kiss and rub my back.

Pick one from each and explain your views:

Bottle v. Breastfeeding:  

I am a breastfeeding advocate. What a wonderful way to bond with your child while giving them the nutrients they need. We were created with the option for a reason.  Some of my fondest memories so far are nursing moments.

Spankings v. Timeouts:

A little bit of both. Even the Bible says if you spare the rod, you spoil the child, but it also says that there is a time for everything. Sometimes it’s time to talk, other times a time out does the trick, and other times you gotta do some old-fashioned age appropriate spanking.

Private v. Public Schooling:

I’m not opposed to either actually, but currently I am also considering doing a little research on home schooling programs. It’s a shame when you have to be afraid to send your child to school with a fear that they may not come home because some idiot brings a parent’s gun or some other weapon…among some of the other things there are to worry about in the school system, but it’s still a bit early for us to make final decisions on that.

Stay-at-home mamas v. Working mamas:

Well I’m currently a stay at home mom, but I was at one time a working mom as well. There are pros and cons to both sides, but I must say I enjoy being home with my girls. I get to see it all and be there for so many moments that even though there are some things going on right now that I could do without (tantrums etc) I know someday they will be all grown up and I will think about these crazy days and laugh, smile, and maybe even miss it.

Paula is the mother of a 21 month old daughter from my favorite city in the US, Chicago (I’m a little biased bc it’s from where I hail as well).

Favorite activity to do with your child?

Watch movies,  children films or movies I like, doesn’t matter.

One thing your child had taught you?

So far she’s taught me how things you love the most and, thus, put the most effort into, are the things that blossom in your life.

How does religion play a part in your parenting?

Well, I pray out loud before meals and at bedtime and sometimes when we wake up. That’s the full extent, so far.

Favorite cultural/family tradition to share w/ your child?

Family-oriented holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter. They are so much fun and really warm times to be around family and I love sharing that with my baby.

Best motherhood advice you’ve gotten?

Let my baby be her own person, don’t make her conform into someone she’s not. Manners and discipline are necessary but she’s “a whole lotta person” and I just need to let her be that.

Worst motherhood advice you’ve gotten?

Anything involving me forcing her to move onto a certain stage. For instance,  my mother wanted me to get the baby off a bottle though she, technically, wasn’t too old to still be using it and it was soothing to her. I just let her be and today she uses a cup and/or sippy cup like any other toddler.

Things you said you’d never do as a mama and now do?

Spoil or give in. I planned on being able to say no.  Honestly, she is my little princess and spoiled a tad bit however she’s mannerly (for a baby) and discipline is fine in our house.

Things you said you’d do as a mama, but never got around to?

I haven’t started on her college fund OR my life insurance. I just got my living will & trust started. It’s so much to do.

Fears for raising a child in this current society?

I’m a single Black woman raising a little Black girl in 2012…almost everything scares me, from finding a relationship that is right for me AND my baby to employment fears, saving enough money,  keeping a roof over our heads, remaining enlightened, our constant safety. Too much. Everything.

What’s the one thing no one ever told you that you wish you’d known prior to becoming a mama?

I wish someone had laid out co-parenting for me. I wish they told me it’s a strong reality but also a possibility and just how to do it harmoniously. Her dad and I are kind of just now getting it.

Are you the disciplinarian or good cop when trouble arises?

Since I’m a single mom and the parent she’s with most often, I’m both, respectively, when I need to be.

Does your child have any allergies or food restrictions? How do you deal with that?

No, thank goodness, she doesn’t.

Santa Claus: Does he exist for your child or not?

I haven’t figured out how I will present Santa Claus (and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy) to my kid but have been thinking very hard about it. Growing up my mother kept it real with me,  Santa didn’t buy my presents. Not really that he didn’t exist but that Christmas gifts were not from him. I still took pictures with him every year and Christmas has been no less magical and wonderful for me than any other kid. Maybe I’ll repeat that for my kid.

Approximately how big is your child’s vocabulary?

Maybe she can say, around 15-20 words well enough.

Did your child experience the “Terrible Twos” phase?

We’re going through her version of that now. We have been since she was like 18 months old.

If child is in preschool/daycare? If yes, describe selection process.

She’s in a home daycare now. I picked it based on location (close to the house, convenient for my work commute), experience of the care provider, atmosphere of her home, curriculum, and my general vibes. I actually didn’t figure in cost although it is affordable.

What are your child’s favorite toys?

None. She’d rather play with Tupperware, pans, our toilet, my cell phone, and things like that. She’s in love with her ‘blankie’ we do not go ANYWHERE without it.

How are her interactions with other children?

She can be a bully sometimes but she really loves other kids. She’s learning to play nicely with them and share.

Favorite mama moment at this stage?

Whenever she hugs or kisses me on her own, not because I’ve asked, and when she plays with my hair and, generally, basks in all my mommy-ness.

Pick one from each and explain your views:

Bottle v. Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding. My daughter was born prematurely so I had to give her formula and breast milk simultaneously. Doing things alone from the beginning, this became overwhelming for me so I ended breastfeeding when she was around 6 weeks old and stuck to just bottle-feeding (formula). I really regret that. I wish I’d stuck with it. She’s no less healthy or anything and we’ve still bonded wonderfully, I just think being able to birth her then feed her from my body is so fantastic. More for my sake than hers.

Spankings v. Timeouts

Spankings. That’s like the typical African American disciplinary act. Honestly, I think there’s a time and place for a spanking and a timeout. I resort to spanking when she’s blatantly disregarding what I’m telling her not to do at that time. E.g. continues to play in the toilet water, despite my telling her to stop and come to me. It’s nothing severe, she cries, though, I feel bad for a second then we both keep it moving. Does she learn from a spanking? She responds well (stops what she is doing) when I raise my hand. There’s an understanding what she’s doing, how she was previously responding is a “no-no”.

Private v. Public Schooling

Private Schooling. I’d gone to private schools from pre-school to the better part of 7^th grade after which we moved to Wisconsin where I finally went to public school for the rest of 7^th grade and all over 8^th. Then I went to a boarding private high school for my Freshman year, then a public school for my Sophomore year because it was more affordable. After that I skipped onto college. So, that said, I enjoyed the security, community, higher learning of my private schools and want all of that for my child unless I absolutely just can’t afford it. But, they have scholarships for grade schools nowadays, so I’ll try what I can.

Stay-at-home mamas v. Working mamas

Stay-at-Home Mamas. I was so eager to go back to work after being on bedrest then maternity leave but had no idea how desperately I’d miss my baby (to this day I still, kind of, struggle with leaving her in daycare while I go to work). Anyway, I thought the solution to missing her would be to get a career that would allow me to work from home & be a stay at home mother. Then, as she got older, and we would spend all day together on a weekend or while she was sick or something, I’d LONG for work. I thought about the fact that I love coming to downtown Chicago, to work, everyday (even when I don’t love it) and I enjoy time with her so much more after we’ve spend a whole 9-10 hours apart, missing each other. I also think daycare (the right one) is very productive for my child. She’s learning many different things but, especially, people skills and problem-solving, stuff you don’t necessarily get at home with mommy most of the day.

AE & I met randomly at a Janet Jackson concert in 2001, then reconnected years later. Recently found out that she was to be a mama & I knew I wanted to tap her for this project. Her candidness is always welcomed. She is 31 years old and resides in Chicago, IL.

How far along are you?

20 weeks

When you found out that you were pregnant, what was your first thought?

Well seeing as I took the test to rule out pregnancy and clearly did not think I was pregnant, I was in shock lol. I literally felt weak at the knees and had to sit down immediately. I guess my first thought was that life as I know it will change. Then denial set in and I needed a second and third opinion before it really sunk in lol. At that point I got it lol and I was overwhelmed with how quickly I went into mommy mode. I felt blessed beyond measure that although unexpected, my little one came right on time.  Joy doesn’t just come in the morning and I’ve felt it since that moment :)

How is the pregnancy?Both medically and emotionally…

Medically: Everything is normal. My first trimester was as good as to be expected. A little nausea but no vomiting or morning sickness. I was exhausted most of the time and could fall asleep at the blink of an eye, even if I JUST woke up. My breasts grew an entire cup size and were very tender. Indigestion was out of control lol. I’ve never felt so bloated in my life lol. And those prenatal vitamins can give you the runs in the beginning so that was not fun either. : ( The only weird thing was that I could no longer drink hot drinks anymore, i.e. coffee, tea, broth from soup, etc. I guess the baby was overheating in there so to this day I can only drink things slightly over room temperature. The second trimester is going pretty well too. I still have indigestion but I’m monitoring what I eat so it’s not so bad. My belly has grown overnight so that is a major adjustment. My lower back pain can get really bad so I have to sleep with a lot of pillows and have a prenatal back brace to help ease the pain. I have carpel tunnel in my right hand at times so I have to sleep with a brace on at night to help alleviate some of the discomfort.

Emotionally: It’s been an emotional roller coaster. Coming to terms with the fact that you are responsible for another life is scary. I’m extremely happy most of the time but these hormones will have you all over the place lol. I can get irritable instantly and I’ve cried over the littlest things lol. But I have an amazing support system of people who are going thru this crazy journey with me.  So they help keep my grounded most of the time and allow my meltdowns when they come without making me feel bad :)

Did you learn the sex of baby or do you wanna be surprised?

It’s a girl!!! Um I don’t do surprises if I can help it lol.

Describe 1^st time you heard baby’s heartbeat.

I didn’t realize I would be able to hear it so soon so yet another shock. It was the best sound ever and I realized it wasn’t just a picture of a little bean on the monitor but the start of a new life. I have never been so anxious to meet someone in my life and that little rapid heartbeat makes my heart skip a beat every time.

Describe first time baby kicked.

LOL, I have to laugh at that one because apparently I have been feeling kicks since about 16 weeks but didn’t realize it because of all the indigestion; I just thought it was gas lol. But in the 19^th week I was gas free for a change. I‘d just bought the back brace and I felt this thump along the band. I’m kept thinking what is that and FINALLY I determined it was my little one kicking the band lol. It must’ve been pressing against where she was laying. I laughed. : ) I thought leave it to my little demanding diva to persistently kick at the band until I finally removed it and she settled down lol. She is truly her mother’s child lol.

What are you most looking forward to?

Meeting her!!! OMG I can but can’t wait lol. I know she needs to bake in the oven for a little while longer but she has so much personality already from what I can see in the ultrasound that I just want to meet her and show her she means the world to me.

Are you planning to incorporate religious practices (such as christening/baptism) into your child’s life?

Absolutely. The christening will take place within 6-8 weeks after she is born. I am Catholic and her father is Baptist. We agreed she will be christened Catholic since he was originally raised under the Catholic faith.

Motherhood advice that you’ve gotten that you’ll most likely use.

EVERYONE wants to give you advice lol. But I think the one thing that I have embraced is to not sweat the small stuff. Every child and parent is different so just enjoy the experience. Don’t stress too much and laugh/smile as often as you can. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing :)

Motherhood advice that you’ve gotten that went in one ear and out the other.

Everything else lol. 

Brianna, the first mama (or mama-to-be in her case) I featured here gave birth to a beautiful baby girl this morning!! Congrats to B and her husband on the birth of little Isabella!!! : )

Monique’s one of my new favorite people in the world because she’s a submission that came from someone else linking her to The Mama Diaries! YAY! *\o/* She is the mother of a 3 year old son and lives in Atlanta, GA. Monique also has a fabulous natural hair blog that you can check out at: http://www.naturalandfab.com/!

Favorite activity to do with your child?

Play Connect 4 and talk about his day

One thing that you child has taught you?

Patience and real love.

How does religion play a part in your parenting?

My son attends a Christian school so it was important to me that he be grounded in religion; knowing that God is the head of our life and that what we do daily is to please him and educate others about his love. And also that prayer is how we speak to God and that it is an important part of everyday life.

Favorite cultural/family tradition to share w/ your child?

Eating meals together at the table while we discuss our day. My parents required it of me and my siblings and I require it with my son. It has helped my family maintain a sense of closeness. We also have a tradition of speaking to each other at least once everday. Even if it’s just a text, saying a quick “I love you” reminds you that your family is always there.

Best motherhood advice you’ve gotten?

Never feel bad for needing some time for yourself. You can’t be there for your kids if you aren’t there for yourself first. And don’t feel pressured to take the pacifier away. Let your child tell you when their ready.

Worst motherhood advice you’ve gotten?

Kids don’t care what you do in front of them. They are kids. This was the dumbest thing I had ever heard. I’m glad I never paid it any attention. (Ed Note: That’s crazy to me that someone would say that! Especially since toddlers are such sponges!)

Things you said you’d never do as a mama and now do?

Breastfeed! I didn’t think I would but I did after having my son. It was the best, most special thing I could have done.

Things you said you’d do as a mama, but never got around to?

Pushing a foreign language. My son understands some Spanish but I feel like I need to be more consistent with using it around him.

Fears for raising a child in this current society?

That he grows up wondering if he’s good enough or capable enough for anything. Society is so bad about placing stigmatism on black males; I don’t want my son to ever feel like they apply to him.

What’s the one thing no one ever told you that you wish you’d known prior to becoming a mama?

That there will be days that you feel so overwhelmed that you can do nothing but cry and it’s ok to cry sometimes. No one said the job would be easy; only that it would be worth it.

Are you the disciplinarian or good cop when trouble arises?

As a single mother, I play both roles.

Does your child have any allergies or food restrictions? How do you deal with that?

Thankfully, no allergies or food restrictions but he does have some asthma issues. My way of dealing with that is keeping him as active as possible. He started playing soccer last year and this year he is on the 3-4year old team for tee ball at our local park. Consistent exercise keeps us both healthy and keeps his lungs strong.

Santa Claus: Does he exist for your child or not?

Absolutely! I know many don’t believe but I want my son to enjoy this age and the innocence of it.

Approximately how big is your child’s vocabulary?

It is extensive! I forget sometimes that he’s 3 because he can carry on conversation so well. We never really did much baby talk with him and we always make mealtimes conversation time as well.

Did your child experience the “Terrible Twos” phase?

Ugh, did he?! He’s in the Troublesome Threes now.  I do feel like we are finally making some progress on how to handle him when he gets upset or frustrated about something.

If child is in preschool/daycare? If yes, describe selection process.

My son is daycare and the selection process wasn’t too difficult. I started looking for daycares when I was about 5-6 months pregnant. I would do impromptu visits during the day, see if they offered web-viewing, and spoke with the teachers about expectations. In the end, I went with my first choice and was extremely satisfied.

What are your child favorite toys?

He loves Connect 4, his drum set, his Ironman action figures and playing with empty boxes. He has a VERY vivid imagination.

How are his/her interactions with other children?

He interacts very well with other kids. I’m so happy I have friends with kids that can play.

Favorite mama moment at this stage?

When I pick him up every day at daycare, he runs to me and gives me a hug and kiss and says “mommy I missed you.”

Pick one from each and explain your views:

Bottle v. Breastfeeding

Which ever you prefer. I do encourage mothers to at least try breastfeeding a couple of times and see how it goes. At the end of the day, you aren’t less of a mother for picking either one.

Spankings v. Timeouts

I agree with both. Timeouts are good for talking about what happened, how we can fix it and why it was wrong. Eventually, when kids are older, talking just doesn’t seem to get the point across  the same way a spanking would.

Private v. Public Schooling

I love the one-on-one and smaller classrooms that Private Schools offer but if you live in a great school district where kids excel, then public may be the way. It really just comes down to what you feel is best for your child and their needs.

Stay-at-home mamas v. Working mamas

I’m a working mother and let me tell you, I would love to be a stay at home mom. I would to be able to pick and drop my son off at school, drive carpool, be able to spend more time with him during the day but the bills have to be paid. Don’t think for a moment that a stay at home mom doesn’t work. They do just as much as a working mother, if not more. 

I will admit a strong bias with this next mama because a) she’s my first cousin and 2) her progeny is one of my most adored kidlets on this Earth. Dannie is the mother of one of the most spirited three year old boys walking this planet, Collin & resides in the West Suburban Chicagoland area.

If more than one child, how do you manage to give each child equal time?

I only have one and I give me all of me…lol and more

Favorite activity to do with your child?

Educational activities, dancing, and jumping around

One thing your child has taught you?

You can’t speak freely…lol

How does religion play a part in your parenting?

It plays an important part of creating my foundations for morals

Favorite cultural/family tradition to share w/ your child?

Mmmm he is not old enough yet for much, but I guess I would have to say music! Good ol soulful music…

Best motherhood advice you’ve gotten?

It never stops …lolol

Worst motherhood advice you’ve gotten?

It never stops…lol

Things you said you’d never do as a mama and now do?

I said I wasn’t gonna curse!! I lied!! BOYS!!

Things you said you’d do as a mama, but never got around to?

Well we still have time to do it, but buy a home.

Fears for raising a child in this current society?

Uncertainties of growing up in an area with little diversity (for better education/neighborhood).

What’s the one thing no one ever told you that you wish you’d known prior to becoming a mama?

Just because a man comes from a two parent home doesn’t mean he knows how to be a father.

Are you the disciplinarian or good cop when trouble arises?

Ultimate disciplinarian (Ed note: I can attest to this, haha! Mom keeps Collin in line with just a look.)

Does your child(ren) have any allergies or food restrictions? How do you deal with that?

No not so far with food for that matter.

Santa Claus: Does he exist for your child or not?

OF COURSE, ol Saint Nick…HOHOHO

If they are of age, does your child have chores? Why or why not?

I wish, but he must pick up his toys.

Do you give your child an allowance? How much? 

Yes every two weeks, it’s called PAYCHECK…lol

Approximately how big is your child’s vocabulary?

100+ words

Did your child experience the “Terrible Twos” phase?

Terrible 2s, 3s and I am sure he’ll have Terrible 4s, LOL

If child is in preschool/daycare? If yes, describe selection process. 

Yes, the school was chosen based on teacher to kid ratio, educational background and curriculum.

What are your child’s favorite toys?  

Cars , Dinos (Ed Note: How could you forget SNAAAAAAAKE lol)

How are his/her interactions with other children?

Pretty parallel (Ed Note: Collin loves interacting with older children since most of his cousins are older than him)

Favorite mama moment at this stage?

Movie imitations 

Pick one from each and explain your views:

Bottle v. Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding—better for bonding, cost and immunity

Spankings v. Timeouts

Spankings, they must know there are consequences beyond time outs.

Private v. Public Schooling

Either as long as the curriculum is solid and he is learning.

Stay-at-home mamas v. Working mamas

Either is fine with me.

Lisa is another friend of the blog : ). She is the mother of an 18 year old daughter and resides in St. Louis, MO.

Favorite activity to do with your child?

Run errands.  We really do have the best time wandering aimlessly about on the weekends.

One thing your child has taught you?

Patience

How does religion play a part in your parenting?

I attended Lutheran school as a kid & have attended church sporadically as an adult.  Sometimes I feel guilty for not giving her as much of a religious foundation as I had; like I’ve failed to give her faith to fall back on when times are hard.

Favorite cultural/family tradition to share w/ your child?

Singing Christmas songs while cooking Thanksgiving dinner.

Best motherhood advice you’ve gotten?

Keep living.

Worst motherhood advice you’ve gotten?

Men don’t date women with children.  This one came from my mother (I’m sure it was said to make me feel guilty about having a child out of wedlock) and kept me hiding behind my child for years.

Things you said you’d never do as a mama and now do?

I always said I’d never use spit & my finger to wipe crud out of my kid’s eye. She’s 18 and I STILL do it if she doesn’t duck quickly enough.

Things you said you’d do as a mama, but never got around to?

Growing up, I kept a mental rolodex of mean & hurtful things my mother said to me.  I said I’d never say those things as a mother.  I never got around to it and I’m thankful!

Fears for raising a child in this current society?

My daughter came out when she was 16.  I worry about how society and even our family will react to her when they find out.

What’s the one thing no one ever told you that you wish you’d known prior to becoming a mama?

It’s expensive! As babies, formula, diapers and daycare keep you broke.  As they get older, clothes, food and miscellaneous expenses keep you broke.

Are you the disciplinarian or good cop when trouble arises?

As a single parent, I’m both.

Santa Claus: Did he exist for your child or not?

Yes

If they are of age, does your child have chores? Yes. Why or why not?

When she’s home on break, I expect her to take out the trash & do whatever chores she had when she lived with me full time.  Over the Christmas break, she seemed to think she was living in Happiness Hotel.  NOT!

Do you give your child(ren) allowance?  How much?

Yes. She participates in work-study, but I deposit $ 100 in her account monthly.  I was the broke college student so I never want her to have to figure out how to make $ 20 stretch for a month.

If your child is in college, how involved are you with that situation?

I check in with her weekly, though my mother thinks it should be daily.  I’ve done the research on book buying this year to make sure we’re getting the lowest prices, especially since my money is buying them.  She’ll buy her books next year with money from her summer job, so it’ll be her job to find the best book bargains.  I try to be a sounding board for her as she tries to figure out a major. I know she’s stressed, so I try not to add any additional stress as she figures out her life goals.

Are you proud of the choices your child has made as a young adult thus far?  

Very!  She picked a school that fits her well and she’s made some great friends.

Does your child have a 5 year plan? If so, were you instrumental in helping shape it?

Yes. Even though she’s not quite sure of her final goal, she knows that she wants to go to grad school.  I don’t know if I’m instrumental in that or if she just sees other women in our family and knows that post-grad education is important for her because it was important for them.

Favorite mama moment at this stage?  

When my daughter felt safe enough to come out to me knowing that I wouldn’t judge her like some of her friend’s parents had judged her friends.

Pick one from each and explain your views:

Bottle v. Breastfeeding

Whatever works for you. I tried breastfeeding for about 3 weeks & couldn’t handle it.

Spankings v. Timeouts

Depends on your child.  Some kids react well to timeouts, some just need their butts beat.

Private v. Public Schooling

Depends on your school district.  We started in Catholic school, then switched to the gifted program in public school.  When the district lost their accreditation, we moved to private school.  I didn’t want to restrict her chances of getting into a good college by leaving her in a district that was no longer recognized by most schools.

Stay-at-home mamas v. Working mamas

Stay at home mamas ARE working mamas.

Emily is another coworker I tapped for this project. She is a mother of two (soon-to-be three) and resides in Chicago, IL.

Age(s) of child(ren): 2, 4 (Ed. Note: & one in utero)

If more than one child, how do you manage to give each child equal time?

The majority of the time we all play and learn together. But we try to give each of them separate time for at least 10 minutes a day with each parent – just one on one.

Favorite activity to do with your children?

Pretend play – pirates, doctor, veterinarian, grocery store

One thing your children have taught you?

Life is too short, enjoy the moment.

How does religion play a part in your parenting?

It is the foundation, holding our family to values, morals, ethics and respect for others.

Favorite cultural/family tradition to share w/ your children?

Family time.

Best motherhood advice you’ve gotten?

Get your kids on a sleep schedule as soon as possible, and keep them on it. (saves your sanity and your marriage!)

Worst motherhood advice you’ve gotten?

Let your kids do what they want (in terms of letting them run free).

Things you said you’d never do as a mama and now do?

Change my schedule to fit their’s.

Things you said you’d do as a mama, but never got around to?

Teach more.

Fears for raising children in this current society?

Our country’s morals and values seem to be depleting. I fear we are trying to be too P.C. and in the meantime are losing what we should stand for or are too afraid to stand for.

What’s the one thing no one ever told you that you wish you’d known prior to becoming a mama?

How tired you would be all of the time.

Are you the disciplinarian or good cop when trouble arises?

Disciplinarian usually, but my husband and I try to switch depending on who is doing the discipline.  We want to make sure we’re balancing out the situation and are fair to our children.

Does your child(ren) have any allergies or food restrictions? How do you deal with that?

No, thank the Lord. We have a nephew that has several allergies and it is very stressful for the parent, because she has to bring “special” food to everything.

Santa Claus: Does he exist for your children or not?

Yes!

If they are of age, do your children have chores? Why or why not?

Yes, but the “responsibilities” as we call them are age appropriate – pick up toys, get dressed, set table – all just part of the routine.

Do you give your children allowance? How much?

No.

How far along are you in your pregnancy?

7 months

When you found out that you were pregnant, what was your first thought?

“Here we go!”

How is the pregnancy? Both medically and emotionally…

Challenging on both ends.

Learned sex of baby or wanna be surprised?

Wanna be surprised.

Describe 1^st time you heard baby’s heartbeat.

Real. It just makes the whole situation real, and you consider yourself bless.

Describe first time baby kicked.

Was that just gas, or are you trying to get my attention? : )

What are you most looking forward to?

The birth, and finding out who this little one becomes.

Are you planning to incorporate religious practices (such as christening/baptism) into your child’s life?

Yes.

Motherhood advice that you’ve gotten that you’ll most likely use.

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Approximately how big is your child’s vocabulary?

Not sure, but they seem to know “everything.”

Did your child experience the “Terrible Twos” phase?

Yes, but for both of them it started around 1.5 and ended around 2.5

What are your children’s favorite toys?

Dinosaurs, cars, trucks

How are his/her interactions with other children?

Good. Usually caring or nurturing if they are younger, and if the other children are older, it is more of an affectionate interaction.

Favorite mama moment at this stage?

Having conversations with them – they are like little adults, only much better

Pick one from each and explain your views:

Bottle v. Breastfeeding:

Both. Some people don’t have the luxury to breastfeed, so I think you need to be mindful of that.  Do whatever works for you. Personally, I like the bonding that goes on during breastfeeding.

Spankings v. Timeouts:

Timeouts. Gives your child the chance to think about their actions. It’s calmer and less emotional-driven.

Private v. Public Schooling:

Depends, but I would say private. You actually get a say in what they do.

Stay-at-home mamas v. Working mamas:

Prochoice. I don’t have a stance on either one because it is whatever works best for your family. For those of you that take a stance and are mothers, shame on you. You should be supporting other mothers, not judging them.

Bethany is a 25 yr old mother of an infant daughter and lives in Los Angeles, CA. To read more from her, please check out her blog: www.happyhomemaker.me

Favorite activity to do with your child?

Make her laugh!  She is just reaching the stage where anything we do is hilarious, and it’s so much fun to hear her giggle and coo at our silly antics.

One thing your child has taught you?

That there are things worth getting up at 5am for.

How does religion play a part in your parenting?

My husband and I are both Christians, so we are raising Kayleigh to believe in her Lord and Savior.  We pray with and for her each day, sing hymns and Christian songs to her, and bring her with us to church.

Favorite cultural/family tradition to share w/ your child?

So far, we have celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas with her.  Traditions are more for us, at this point.  I’m looking forward to sharing our traditions with her when she’s able to understand them better :)

Best motherhood advice you’ve gotten?

“You are all your baby needs.  She needs love, food, and warmth, and that’s exactly what God created your body to be able to provide for her.”

Worst motherhood advice you’ve gotten?

“With all of the nasty germs floating in the air during this season, you should really keep a towel over her face whenever you’re out in public.”
(this said by a women behind me in the checkout line who was pinching Kayleigh’s cheeks and playing with her fingers!!!)

Things you said you’d never do as a mama and now do?

I believed that pacifiers were a big no-no.  The nurse suggested using one to help strengthen Kayleigh’s sucking, so we started using them.  Now, I see how soothed she is by having them.  But I will NEVER be the mom who lets her toddlers use them.

Things you said you’d do as a mama, but never got around to?

Keep a first year calendar :(

Fears for raising a child(ren) in this current society?

Watching the kids around me makes me sad.  I don’t want my little girl thinking she has to have a cell phone in 3rd grade, or that she has to wear make-up by 4th grade or she won’t be considered pretty.  I don’t want her to feel like she’s a failure if she doesn’t have a boyfriend her first year of high school.  I want her to be secure in who she is, and not in too much of a hurry to grow up.

What’s the one thing no one ever told you that you wish you’d known prior to becoming a mama?

While I was pregnant, everyone kept telling me, “Rest up now, because you won’t get any sleep once your baby comes!”  Everyone filled me with worry that I’d be a sleepless wreck.  It would have been so much more comforting to have people share encouragement about sleepless nights.  You know what?  It doesn’t last forever.  Your baby will be sleeping by herself before you know it, and you’ll miss those midnight cuddles and nurses.  Take joy in the fact that your little one needs you.

Are you the disciplinarian or good cop when trouble arises?

It hasn’t happened yet.  But my husband is totally going to be the good cop.  Or…the instigator :)

Does your child(ren) have any allergies or food restrictions? How do you deal with that?

Right now, she’s solely on breastmilk.  I am worried that she may develop food allergies, since her daddy and grandma have so many.

Santa Claus: Does he exist for your child or not?

My husband and I have agreed that we will be honest and tell our children that Santa is just make believe, but that we will still enjoy Santa traditions and have specific gifts for the kids each year “from” Santa.

Do you pick up your child every time he/she cries?

Kayleigh only cries if she’s really hungry, or really tired.  She is such a good baby!  I can pretty much always calm her tears within 3-5 minutes.  During the day, if she starts to cry, I do pick her up so that I can take care of her needs.  At night, once she is clean and fed and in bed, we don’t pick her up.  She’s fine with it, though, and always goes right to sleep.

How long did it take you to get the baby on a schedule?

Still not really on a schedule.  I just put her down when she gets tired, and get her from her crib when she wakes up.

Is your child crawling or walking yet?

Nope :)

Favorite mama moment at this stage?

I love how happy and smiley she is as soon as she wakes up.  My favorite thing to do at this stage is pull her into bed with me first thing in the morning for cuddles and a feeding.

Pick one from each and explain your views:

Bottle v. Breastfeeding

I’m thankful that I am able to breastfeed my daughter.  Breastfeeding is a huge sacrifice.  It really is giving up your body for another.  But I love doing it for my daughter.  Not everyone can, though.  I have several friends who are unable to lactate, and I completely understand.  Each parent does what is best for her child.  Whether you breastfeed or bottlefeed is not what makes you a good mom.

Spankings v. Timeouts

I was raised with spankings.  My husband abhors the idea.  It’s going to take a lot of discussions to figure out how we will raise our kids.  Thankfully, we still have a while.  No spanking 6 month olds around here!

Private v. Public Schooling

Definitely private, hopefully homeschool.   I have a teaching credential and the desire to use my experience to teach my own children.  What a rewarding opportunity!

Stay-at-home mamas v. Working mamas

I will always do whatever I can so that I can stay at home with our children.  My husband is a youth pastor, so it’s not a very abundant income.  Right now, I teach English online to students in China, which means that sometimes I’m teaching at 4:30am because of the time difference.  Watching my daughter grow up is the most important thing—providing her with a safe, secure, loving environment, teaching her the values that my husband and I uphold, encouraging her to do her best, and giving her opportunities to explore the world around her gives me joy.  (Plus, we did the math, and if we were to put her into daycare so that I could return to my old job, we would be paying so much for someone else to watch her that I’d only be bringing home $200-$300 extra dollars a month.  It’s not worth missing out on raising her!)